The other day, heading into the Post Office, I saw a table set up outside with a big “Impeach Cheney” banner hanging off its side. Hmm, I thought. It’s not often you see someone calling to impeach the Vice President. President Job, yes. Vice President Jerk? People just don’t like the guy. So I wanted to see what these nuts were up to, and frankly it didn’t matter to me that they also had a LaRouche sign up. In fact, all the better! Bring it on!
“Why do you want to impeach Dick Cheney?” I asked. “Why not impeach Bush”
“Because Bush is stupid,” he replied. No argument from me there. “Besides, Cheney is the real threat. Here, let me show you.”
He reached for a glorified pamphlet and turned to a marked page. “See all these people?” he asked, pointing to what looked like yearbook photos of the usual Neo-Con crew. “They all trained under Leo Strauss at the University of Chicago.”
“I went to the University of Chicago.”
“But these people, including Dick Cheney, trained under Leo Strauss. Leo Strauss was a Platonist, but he wasn’t a real Platonist …”
Wow, way to win a guy to your cause, I thought. You're losing everyone at "Platonist."
“I know who Leo Strauss was,” I said, “What do you mean, they ‘trained’ under Strauss?”
“They were training to run the world, politically and financially.”
“Is ‘training’ the same thing as ‘studying?”
“Well, yes. But these men were training for world domination.”
“So what would impeaching Cheney achieve? I mean, I’m not sure of the rules, but wouldn’t that make Dennis Hastert the acting Vice President or something?”
“Well, anything is better than Cheney.”
“I don’t want Dennis Hastert to be Vice President, either.”
“The important thing is that Cheney is no longer in power.”
“Wait a minute,” I interrupted.” “Impeached doesn’t mean arrested. It just means he would be out of office. But Cheney would still be powerful. And Hastert would be Vice President, and would support the same policies.”
“Yes, but we want to remove him from the big picture, like what happened to Richard Nixon.”
“Did removing Richard Nixon from office make Henry Kissinger any less powerful?” I asked, rhetorically. “He’s still running around causing trouble.”
“Yes,” said the guy, either losing steam, losing brainpower or losing track of his talking points. “But if you read this,” he said, pulling out a new pamphlet, “you’ll learn all about the people who are running the international banking system …”
It was here I broke away, since it was only a matter of time before he blamed it all on the Jews. And besides, I had to get home.
“No thanks,” I said, turning, and I think he’d just as soon no longer bark up my tree.
The sad thing is, standing in the Post Office before the exchange; I had devised a whole potential putdown/conversation that went something like this:
Nutball: “Would you like to help support Lyndon Larouche?”
Me: “Lyndon LaRouche? Isn’t he in jail?”
Nutball: “Yes, but it’s a conspiracy by the Jews/Illuminati/Masons/Bush Regime, etc.”
Me; “Have you ever been to jail?”
Nutball: “Um, no.”
Me: “Me neither. Want to know why?”
Nutball: “Why?”
Me: “Because I don’t break the law.”
At that point I would walk off, leaving him stammering for a response to my reductionist logic. In your face, hypothetical debate opponent who, alas, lost before he even started.
By the way, what’s up with
Lyndon LaRouche? He’s out of prison and still alive, so why doesn’t he at least do the rounds on the talking head circuit? No one is too crazy for midday on CNN or Fox. These folks have 24 hours of programming to fill, so get on the ball, LaRouche!
