Thursday, May 18, 2006

Da Vinci Shit

Does anyone really give a crap about "The Da Vinci Code" movie. Yeah, I know, a lot of people have read the book. I get it. I've seen it in the airport (incidentally, the only place I've seen people reading it). It's neat that people are reading, even "The Da Vinci Code," which is about as well-written as ... OK, I'm struggling for a simile, since by all accounts it's terribly written. Regardless, just because people read the book doesn't mean they're excited about the film. The only people who seem to be excited are the media, and they're mostly excited about saying how excited everyone is. Circular? You bet.

But let's do the math, invoking the transitive property of shitty movies. Movies based on books are generally inferior to the books. "The Da Vinci Code" is by many (critical) accounts an inferior book. Therefore, it stands to reason that "The Da Vinci Code" film will be even worse.

Sure, that won't stop people from seeing it. If people didn't flock to shitty movies, there would be nothing on the big screen between May and October. But that doesn't mean they'll flock in large numbers. A lot of hullabaloo was made of the fact that the film was withheld from the press until the very last minute, an attempt to preserve the "mystery." Or just to preserve its chances of making money before the inevitable drubbing. Anyway, why did anyone think there'd be any "mystery" to the movie that's missing from the book in the first place? It's a big Hollywood production with a name director and big stars, which means not screwing with a proven formula, which means not altering the film very much from the book. Which, again, is shitty, and which anyone remotely interested in reading has read already.

So who wants to see the film? The only way it can satisfy the faithful is if it remains faithful to the book, and if it remains faithful to the book, why would fans of the book trouble themselves to see it?

As for the nutballs protesting, they probably can't read, which ironically makes them the ideal "Da Vinci Code" audience.


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