Coming Soon, This Summer!

These are the would-be blockbusters opening this summer, most bound to be monstrously successful.

"Pirates of the Caribbean 3" (170 minutes long!!!)
"Spider-Man 3"
"Shrek the Third"
"Harry Potter 4"
"Transformers"
"Fantastic Four 2"
"Oceans 13"
"Die Hard 4"
"Ratatouille" (it's Pixar, but the name will hurt it)
"28 Weeks Later"
"The Simpsons Movie" (the show hasn't been funny for a decade, but still...)
"Rush Hour 3"


The big mystery remains: how successful? Summer's only so long, and theaters can only hold so much interest/warm bodies once the weather gets hot.